Don't Refer to Me as "They" But I Think in Plurality

An exploration of why people feel split

Mar 15, 2025

For as long as I can remember, mentally, I have been referring to myself as a plurality fairly often. An example thought would be, “Let’s work on this thing first.” The abbreviation “let’s” of course stands for “let us.” So my mind is seemingly considering my body and mind, et al to be an “us.”

I don’t remember what I said as a child, but I must have said something like that out loud, because I remember my mother responding, “Do you have a mouse in your pocket?” I don’t ever remember actually referring to myself as a plurality verbally. I assume being mocked for it made me quit that habit.1

If I met a person who said, “My pronouns are they/them,” my response might be, “Do you carry a mouse in your pocket?” Now you know why. For some reason, today, many people think it was valid to “affirm” that a single person of determinate sex is a multitude, ignoring our English language’s grammar rules.

I know that referring to oneself as a plurality is odd behavior.

This screenshot from the NES game Shadowgate shows a quote I saw a lot while trying to beat it. Whenever you did something unexpected, you’d see, *“What odd behavior for such a brave warrior!”*

It would be very interesting to me to know exactly why I have this habit of referring to myself as a plurality. But I’ve learned some things by studying more new-age videos, and it’s possible that this may be why…

Fragmentation: Splitting Yourself

I have conflicting thoughts. I debate with myself over taking certain actions. And if you are conflicted, this can give you the impression that you have at least two sources thinking in your head. I wrote, on The Drama of It All, an article on Shame, which is an internal Drama Triangle. It is all about how we split different parts of our personalities. If you haven’t read it, and you’re interested in this, it will help you understand that better.

I also wrote a bit about how you can suppress what you consider “bad qualities” and then go into overdrive with the opposite “good qualities” in this article on Shadow Work. How do you know if you perceive a quality to be “good” or “bad”? You can easily tell by the people you grew up around. Usually a parent, guardian, or teacher will let you know that they approve of one quality or disapprove of others. You can become ashamed of the “bad” ones and start to suppress them. Just because you perceive it as bad, doesn’t mean it actually is. It could be that someone else found it distasteful and you just went along with what they believed out of a need for self-preservation.

The Inner Critic

When you are around critical adults as a child, you soak their criticism in. I don’t remember all I heard when I was very young, but I got enough of criticism as a young child and teen from all that I do remember. There were plenty of critiques from everyone I was surrounded by.

The early years are so important, because children are in a different brainwave status than adults. It is basically like they are in a hypnotic state. From Understanding Brainwaves In Children:

“From birth to about two years of age, babies are in Delta states, brain waves most commonly associated with deep healing sleep in adults. Babies exist in between worlds, which is why it is difficult for them to stay awake for long. Even in their wakeful state, they are sleeping with their eyes open.
Between ages 2–7, the brain functions primarily in the Theta, the highly intuitive brain state that typically adults are under hypnosis or deep meditation. This brain state is often said to be a doorway between conscious and subconscious worlds. Children are very receptive to any information that is fed into them in this suggestible and hypnotic state. They accept what they’re told without questioning, as their analytical minds haven’t fully developed. This age is the foundation of who they will become later in life.”

I believe that is how the inner critic is formed. As an adult, you may think to yourself upon making a mistake, “You’re so stupid!” or “You shouldn’t have done that!” Should you be thinking, “I’m so stupid,” or “I shouldn’t have done that?” Do you think in terms of “you” instead of, “I?” Doesn’t that mean someone other than you was thinking thoughts in your head? Does that not make you a plurality of some sort?

The Inner Critic Disarms Others

The inner critic seems to be comprised of what we would expect our parents (or guardians, etc.) would say to us if they found out we did something they didn’t like. The reason we form this inner critic is to protect ourselves. When you don’t expect a tongue lashing from someone, it hurts much more than if you do expect it. This is also the formation of so-called “empaths.” I believe that anyone who calls themself an empath was likely abused in this way, so they spent much time figuring out how to sense what others were thinking or going to do.

We can’t tickle ourselves because we know what we’re going to do. We can’t physically hurt ourselves the same way someone else can when we are not expecting it. So, in order to protect ourselves, we find ways to predict where a danger may come from, and then do it to ourselves first so it hurts less. This also disarms anyone else who might think of critiquing us because they see that we’re beating ourselves up over it for them. They’ll either think that’s great, or pity you, either way they get disarmed.

It would make sense to me that I was criticized enough that I split into various parts of myself that it caused me to feel as if I had multiple “thinkers” in my head. That split is called “fragmentation” by Teal Swan.

What I am referring to is not Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) aka Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). The difference is that in DID people report that they don’t remember what other parts (or personalities aka identities) did for a time. As far as I am aware the DID identities are supposed to be separate. As Teal says in the video above, that is a much farther degree of this phenomenon. The more shame you feel for one “side” or “aspect” of you, the deeper you bury it from yourself. I would say anyone with an inner critic has fragmented at least a little bit. Most if not all of us do this to some degree.

I would like to dissolve the inner critic. I feel like I’m carrying around the absolute worst versions of my loved ones and others in my head. I have imagined what they might say, only to find out they don’t care. The real people don’t care. But my inner critic sure does. If I can’t dissolve the inner critic, at least I desire to be more mindful about it. Now I question if this is something a person would actually care about or if I’m imagining it.

Intrusive Thoughts

Sometimes we can get intrusive thoughts which are unwelcome, involuntary thoughts, images, or unpleasant ideas. I don’t believe I’ve ever obsessed about them, unless we can call catastrophization an intrusive thought pattern. But I definitely have had unpleasant ideas pop into my head. I mentioned it to an ex, and I shouldn’t have done that. He made a whole different meaning to it. But, because of that, I have thought more about this experience.

I think that the unpleasant ideas that would pop into my head were my mind’s attempt to figure out what he (or others) might really hate. My mind was looking for their triggers, in an effort to help me not do those things. The inner critic is trying to help you not push their buttons.

So, if I know a person highly values X, Y, and Z, then if I did something to hurt X, Y, and/or Z, then that would hurt the person. The negative thoughts about doing X, Y, or Z were the mind playing through the scenarios that I would need to never let myself get into so that I didn’t harm the person.

When you’ve been traumatized, you want to stay away from anything that resembles that situation. This is why simple, normal things can become triggers for people with trauma. The inner critic is attempting to keep you away from anything that might resemble that situation again.

I don’t know that my explanation for intrusive thoughts makes sense to everyone who has them. But that’s the best explanation I have come up with for it. Now that I know what it is for me, it’s certainly less concerning.

I understand that my mind was trying to help me to not be hurt. My mind looking for potential threats became too intense and it’s not always helpful at this stage of life. And I still have an inner critic, but I attempt to understand it and be more merciful to myself now. I’ve also been attempting to let anger come up and give that over to God as well.

In My Mind

So, in my mind I’ve got an inner critic, sometimes there was the intrusive thoughts about what could happen so I would stay away from possibly dangerous situations, and then I tried to suppress the “bad” qualities and those suppressed parts didn’t go away either. So I have conflicted thoughts about taking actions at time because one part is scared, and the other part is angry because I’m scared. All of that is going on at the same time. If that was all there was, it would make sense to think there was a plurality in my head having to make decisions together.

I might think thoughts like, “Let’s do this.” But I also think thoughts like, “Let me get this done.” Who was I “talking” to? Who was I asking for permission from? It really wasn’t like that. My thoughts are very cooperative and on the same page for the most part when I think thoughts like these. I also think in terms of “I,” to be clear. If I got really mindful, I’d have a lot more examples. But most of the time I’m not even thinking about what what pronouns are being used. The thoughts, they just come up that way. I’m usually focused on getting the task done, not about what pronoun got used.

The Royal We - Majestic Plural

I shouldn’t write this article and leave out the royal we. According to Wikipedia, “The royal we, majestic plural (pluralis majestatis), or royal plural, is the use of a plural pronoun (or corresponding plural-inflected verb forms) used by a single person who is a monarch or holds a high office to refer to themself.”

Although, as a child, I wouldn’t have thought this through, in a sense, my thinking “we” could be about that higher mind seeing itself as the ruler of the other fragmented portions that are much smaller. This may be a concept so simple a child could use it.

We Are A Plurality of Organisms

But I was lying in bed one night recently and thinking and heard my thoughts use a plural pronoun and starting thinking about all of this and my body is a collection of cells. We’ve also got a lot of “biotics” in us. I drink probiotics in the form of kombucha, and try to eat (when I am feeling health-conscious, fermented sauerkraut. We really have a whole world of organisms in us, microscopic as they are. We are not just our thoughts. Our gut microbiome affects our thoughts. There are loads of articles about that online like the following:

We are the environment, or “country,” that these organisms live in. We are their ruler, sort of. We bring in the materials they have to work with. We can evict them (like anti-parasitics do to parasites). There is a whole bustling world in your body right now and you’re the ruler. Or maybe a parasite is controlling your mind so it rules you?

I thought to myself, people focus way more on their external environment and controlling that than they do about controlling the environment that have almost total control over, their own body.

Certainly as a child, this was not my thought, but today, when I think in plurality, at least I can re-frame what I think about. I woke up and I started thinking about the song, “Every Little Cell.” We have so many various cells in our body. It benefits us to think about them and how to make them healthier. This is the environment we should really care about first and foremost. So I wanted to write this post and mention that aspect.

Multiple Frequencies

Another idea about the plurality of us comes from listening to “Abraham-Hicks” material. Esther Hicks (who was married to Jerry before he died) would “channel” a plurality of energy named “Abraham,” (not the Abraham of the bible). In the following video there are 3 different clips of talks where Esther is channeling Abraham and discusses how we are not just a singular soul (as people usually think of it). I don’t know if I believe it or not. But this is certainly a different perspective that can lead one to see themselves as a plurality.

Multiple Dimensions

“Abraham” also says we have two points of attraction, our 3D self and our higher-dimensional self. The higher-dimensional self has no resistance and attracts what we’ve been asking for easily. I wrote about the higher dimensional self in this article. Just like a piece of paper in a stack of paper is itself and also is part of the stack, we are ourselves and also part of our higher-dimensional self. That’s two different perspectives in one body. I definitely believe in this one, because when I am out of sorts I cannot think as clearly as I can when I get “in the zone” or “in the flow state” and get divinely inspired. This is similar to a game I used to play called The Sims. If you’re interested, I made a video/article on my “Christian” Substack called Who is Playing Your Character? Who do you allow to push your buttons or advise you? Good or Evil?

Conclusion

After all of that, I think it’s reasonable for a person to think in terms of a plurality of perspectives and thoughts. But I am a single body. There is no confusion there. And I’m attempting to integrate parts of myself. I’m doing the shadow work. We become ashamed of parts of ourselves when others reject them, then we “ally” with those people as children. But we don’t have to continue that internal drama triangle. We can look for other ways to view things. We can question if the adults were correct or if they were confused or plain wrong. We can start to grant mercy to ourselves for mistakes. But all of this can be scary work. It felt like we would die if we didn’t conform to what they wanted. It brings up that existential dread. But it’s so worth it.

And as you look at yourself with mercy and attempt to understand without rejecting yourself, you can start to see these parts. Just noticing them helps. But the end goal is to integrate these parts together.

One thing I find interesting in the “new-age” community is that many people want to escape this 3D world. But I believe our higher-dimensional selves want to be here. To integrate those two perspectives would be to accept that sometimes we hate being here2, but also attempt to understand that we’re here for a purpose and try to find that. I also wrote about how some people believe in quantum jumping to escape this “timeline,” and how I don’t believe that’s possible.

There are people who want to escape in every community. Why should the new-agers be any different?

But, if we want to find peace, we should attempt to uncover the stuff we buried, and a lot of that stuff was things we felt shame around. So it’s difficult work. ~~No one~~ I never said manifesting wonderful things would be easy. But being loving to ourselves and merciful to ourselves is how we can heal ourselves. That’s worth it. More than anything else, that is worth it.

As Above / Below LOA

Discussion about this post