I do agree empaths are those abused by critical parents. All I would add is there probably needs to be a baseline of sensitivity in the child. The sensitive kids feel every blow and work hard to develop the empathy as a survival tactic, even if just to predict the mood of the abuser. The thicker skinned kids have less need so any talents in that area remain underdeveloped.
We certainly see this in bigger families with dysfunctional parents. The less sensitive kids emerge relatively unscathed.
I think Shadow work is crucial, especially for those who have had to suppress who they really are. It is exhausting going through life being triggered by others and not understanding why and yet being somehow drawn to the triggering behaviour even as you condemn it. In many respects it is simply easier to tackle the underlying trauma.
As for shame, it is an all too powerful thing, especially in the hands of damaged parents with sensitive children. Whole lives can be trashed with such a thing.
Thanks for the well-thought-out comment. I agree. Because it is so exhausting for adults who went through that sort of childhood, the shadow work is really necessary to end the abuse. Like you said people get drawn back to the same "drama" which triggers them all over again. People do this because some part of them wants to heal. Continually ending up in new abusive situations and not wanting to do the difficult shadow work is an excellent example of being fragmented.
Yes I agree. And it is definitely something that happens. One explanation I have seen is people try to recreate as adults some semblance of the dysfunction they experienced as kids , except this time they will fix things. I get it, but that has never felt like a good explanation to me. I think it is just familiar and normal, and reinforces some unexamined concept of the self. The battered wife taking back the abusive husband is the key example.
Shadow work has saved my life. It has literally given me a tool to "capture" some irritating or aggravating thing I witness and use it to help me change. It is transforming my life, as exaggerated as that sounds. Everything from social skills to career ambitions has been affected. I wish I had done it sooner. A complete gamechanger.
More broadly I believe many things that ail us, what Jung would call depressions, plural, offer some insight into how we improve and become happier. Not a popular view in our SSRI/antidepressant culture. But I view low mood and despair in quite different ways than I once did.
"One explanation I have seen is people try to recreate as adults some semblance of the dysfunction they experienced as kids , except this time they will fix things. I get it, but that has never felt like a good explanation to me. I think it is just familiar and normal, and reinforces some unexamined concept of the self."
Having done this, I feel like it's both.
I'm glad to hear the shadow work has been so beneficial to you. It's also been very beneficial to me as well.
I find shadow work works, lol. It helps me work through some painful sensation, but also genuinely improves my life in small increments. Much of it seems so obvious after the fact.
Would Iain McGilchrist's work on the differences in the two hemispheres of the brain and how they interact as the Master and his Emissary be of help to understand this sense of inner dialogue?
I do agree empaths are those abused by critical parents. All I would add is there probably needs to be a baseline of sensitivity in the child. The sensitive kids feel every blow and work hard to develop the empathy as a survival tactic, even if just to predict the mood of the abuser. The thicker skinned kids have less need so any talents in that area remain underdeveloped.
We certainly see this in bigger families with dysfunctional parents. The less sensitive kids emerge relatively unscathed.
I think Shadow work is crucial, especially for those who have had to suppress who they really are. It is exhausting going through life being triggered by others and not understanding why and yet being somehow drawn to the triggering behaviour even as you condemn it. In many respects it is simply easier to tackle the underlying trauma.
As for shame, it is an all too powerful thing, especially in the hands of damaged parents with sensitive children. Whole lives can be trashed with such a thing.
Thanks for the well-thought-out comment. I agree. Because it is so exhausting for adults who went through that sort of childhood, the shadow work is really necessary to end the abuse. Like you said people get drawn back to the same "drama" which triggers them all over again. People do this because some part of them wants to heal. Continually ending up in new abusive situations and not wanting to do the difficult shadow work is an excellent example of being fragmented.
Yes I agree. And it is definitely something that happens. One explanation I have seen is people try to recreate as adults some semblance of the dysfunction they experienced as kids , except this time they will fix things. I get it, but that has never felt like a good explanation to me. I think it is just familiar and normal, and reinforces some unexamined concept of the self. The battered wife taking back the abusive husband is the key example.
Shadow work has saved my life. It has literally given me a tool to "capture" some irritating or aggravating thing I witness and use it to help me change. It is transforming my life, as exaggerated as that sounds. Everything from social skills to career ambitions has been affected. I wish I had done it sooner. A complete gamechanger.
More broadly I believe many things that ail us, what Jung would call depressions, plural, offer some insight into how we improve and become happier. Not a popular view in our SSRI/antidepressant culture. But I view low mood and despair in quite different ways than I once did.
"One explanation I have seen is people try to recreate as adults some semblance of the dysfunction they experienced as kids , except this time they will fix things. I get it, but that has never felt like a good explanation to me. I think it is just familiar and normal, and reinforces some unexamined concept of the self."
Having done this, I feel like it's both.
I'm glad to hear the shadow work has been so beneficial to you. It's also been very beneficial to me as well.
I find shadow work works, lol. It helps me work through some painful sensation, but also genuinely improves my life in small increments. Much of it seems so obvious after the fact.
Would Iain McGilchrist's work on the differences in the two hemispheres of the brain and how they interact as the Master and his Emissary be of help to understand this sense of inner dialogue?