On Mothers & Creating Through Negative Experiences with the Law of Attraction
Everything you dislike has an equal and opposite state available for you
My mother died in 2003. It’s been 20 years this month. In general, I’m not an angry person and I don’t like striking out when I’m mad. I probably bottle up much more than I am aware of, to my detriment. I probably should have seen someone in order to talk about my mother’s death more than I did. I saw a free college counselor during my last year of college as she was in hospice at the time. But her death deeply affected me. I get mad every Mother’s Day, for more reasons than just this, but this is bad enough.
Negative emotion is the vibrational dissonance between what God-Source or our higher dimensional self is thinking or feeling about something. That negative emotion is also in proportion to how far away we are from that line of thought on a subject. If we simply get a little frustrated at ourselves for a mistake, but not too upset, it doesn’t feel as bad as totally hating ourselves and finding no good in us. The amount of hate equals how far away from the truth we are.
Existence Outside of Time
I’m upset that my mother isn’t around any longer. Is it true? Is it true that my mother isn’t around any longer? In the 3-dimensional world and what everyone would agree with about what this reality is the answer is easily ‘yes’. But the fourth dimension is time and the fifth dimension is outside of time, and the higher you go the less true it is. Outside of time. If you were living outside of time, you can step in and out of time like Marty McFly simply choosing a date to time travel to.
I think what people consider heaven is outside of time because God created time. That’s a belief. But if there are higher dimensions than time, doesn’t there have to be something outside of time? And anything that exists outside of time has to exist eternally, right?
Yes, I believe the consciousness (that was my mother) still exists in some form somewhere. And I believe I can still tap into that because that consciousness exists outside of time and always will. And when I think that she’s missing or gone, it couldn’t be further from the truth, so it’s no wonder I feel so bad when I do.
Vibrational Escrow & Steps of Creation
Esther Hicks (of the Abraham-Hicks publications) has discussed the steps of creation. I’m not actually sure that I agree completely, but I think it works well enough. I’ll share her thoughts and mine.
Contrast: In step one we are living life and seeing things that we like or don’t like.
Every time we see something we like and appreciate, we’re putting that experience or feeling into a sort of vibrational escrow. She calls it the “vortex of creation.” But, I think Jesus called these “heavenly treasures.” In Matthew 6:19-21, Jesus tells people to not worry about storing up treasures on earth, where moths and rust can destroy and thieves can break in and steal. Rather, he suggests storing up treasures in heaven, where no thief can come near them and no moth can wreck them. It’s a vibrational thing.
Every time we see something we don’t like, our spirit cries out for the opposite. Romans 8:26 “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know how we ought to pray, but the Spirit itself intercedes for us with groans too deep for words. 27 And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” Notice it says “according to the will of God” - anything not of the will of God-Source is miswanted. You can try to visualize your enemy dying, but because it’s not the will of God that’s not going into your vortex or heavenly treasures.
Creation: Esther would say Source answers the request (creates what was asked for) vibrationally. As I have said before, if you are physically asking for money, God-Source is not creating money in that sense. You are a vibrational being asking for the feeling or emotion of connection to God-Source. Different people want money for different reasons but usually, the emotion they are looking for is freedom and power. You feel the negative emotion of being powerless and enslaved when you do not see things as God-Source sees them. Esther would say this is being created. I tend to think that the feeling always exists because if that vortex or heaven is outside of time then it’s eternal and not really changing. I could be wrong there though. Either way, this is not your work. This step is already handled by God-Source.
Remember, you want and “create” the feeling. Everything you think you want is because you think you will feel better in the having of it. You are often, but not always, miswanting the physical manifestation. It’s the feeling you desire.
Allowing: You need to line up emotionally and vibrationally with what you want.
You and your higher-dimensional self are always together. You can’t get away from what it knows, and the proof is that you always feel negative emotion (vibrational dissonance) when you think thoughts that it doesn’t think from the perspective outside of time. You don’t get a break from that. Negative emotion means you’re not lined up with what you want. You may feel powerless, enslaved, or like you lost something you haven’t lost.
In order to attract what you desire, you need to line up with the feeling of already having it. If you want more money because you want to feel free, you need to find the feeling of freedom first. Then the money starts to flow as a consequence of your beliefs. But it won’t just be money flowing to you, it will be freedom in other ways also. It is much better to focus on finding the feeling first than trying to make the physical manifestations happen without that feeling. When you feel as if you don’t have money, you can’t attract it because your beliefs keep you from seeing all of the opportunities you have available to you. Our limiting beliefs work as blinders.
Attuning to the feeling takes those blinders off. Once you look for other ways to feel the way you want to feel, the struggle disappears, and the limiting belief that you can’t or don’t have that feeling will be gone. It is like seeing the world through fresh eyes, through the eyes of God-Source. As I’ve said, many people don’t view the world through rose-colored glasses as if the world is better than it actually is. They see the world through distorted glasses, seeing it as worse than it actually is. Those spotty glasses keep us from seeing all of the opportunities available to us to have the feelings we were after.
The only place I might disagree with Esther on the above is if there is actual creation in the vortex or if everything already exists outside of time. I would tend to think if it’s outside of time nothing new has to be created. But, yes, physical manifestations do come from lining up with the feeling, and often those physical manifestations are exactly what was asked for or better.
Once you line up with the feeling, the blinders are off, you start to have inspired action and see and do things differently. This is when your different actions start to bring in results. You start to manifest in reality the things that match your new feelings.
What Does This Have to Do with My Mother?
What I Liked
When I was growing up I enjoyed time with my mother. I even liked to go to the bank with her as she was depositing money and listening to music on the radio as we drove around.
In Step One, we’re collecting data about what we like and storing those feelings up in the vortex or heavenly treasures. When you tune into that vibrational feeling, you manifest it back into your life. As I’m writing this I am noting to myself that I manifested a job where I go to the bank drive-through every week and listen to music from my phone through the car’s radio. I never put that together until now.
All of the feelings I enjoyed while my mother was around are available to me now regardless if she is physically around. It’s not that difficult most of the time to line up with them when I am listening to music and sometimes even movies or TV shows if I watched them with her in the past.
What I Disliked
If there were things about my mother that I disliked, I would have been asking for the opposite. I struggle with thinking about what I disliked, mostly because I really enjoyed her being around. We liked the same music for the most part. We even went to a concert together when I was in college, a few days before 9/11. People said I looked just like her, and I agree. I see her staring back at me sometimes when I look in the mirror now. But let me think about some things I disliked.
During a birthday party of mine when I was quite young, we had a pinata, and I think she cheated to allow me to hit the thing. I have that impression because of some other child complaining. I would wish for things to be fair and just. I don’t want to win at something because I was being unjustly favored. Of course, I don’t know that the child complaining was telling the truth or just being grumpy at not hitting it. But a desire to be treated fairly would come from that experience.
A while after the divorce my mother worked two jobs. I was going to write that she had to. But I don’t know that. We moved from an apartment to a house. I don’t know that we had to do that. But I had to share a room with her in the apartment. We all got our own rooms at the house. I appreciate that she moved us. I didn’t always like her being away all the time. But I have to admit I appreciated the freedom to do whatever I wanted to do when I was home alone after school. Again I have more positive feelings than negative ones there. Let me think of some more negative stuff.
I didn’t appreciate her smoking marijuana from a bong in the car. I thought that could be dangerous. There was a general feeling of being unsafe in cars. I had that feeling in other ways too. But I have a desire to feel safe while driving or being driven. I have gotten better with that over the last 20 years.
I really didn’t like having to go to my dad’s house on the weekend. I spent all week at school and wanted to relax on the weekends. But, rather than get to be comfortable at my home, I had to go somewhere that was not comfortable and I could only take a few things. I didn’t like that my mother wouldn’t allow me to just stay at the house. I understand as an adult that she needed time alone too. But on those weekends I had the feeling of being unloved and moved around like a chess piece rather than as someone who got to have any say in what happened in their life.
What did that cause me to want? I wanted to feel loved and desired. I wanted to feel like I could relax and stay in. I didn’t want to feel as if I was going to be kicked out. Of course, I struggle with that today. Years ago I manifested having my house foreclosed on and being kicked out. Even before then, after my mother died, I had a stepmother who basically kicked me out of my father and her’s home. We keep manifesting the same feeling over and over until we deal with it. I am getting much better with this, but finding security and relaxation is still an issue.
However, it is clear that I have a desire to feel safe, secure, and relaxed. When I line up with those feelings I get more of them because I have a whole bunch of those feelings/experiences stored up in my “heavenly treasures.”
Everything that my mother did that I used as an excuse to feel negative emotion, caused me to desire the opposite and those emotions lead to some good in some way if I can line up with it.
Mother Figures
Because we keep attracting what we appreciated and because we attract the things we don’t like until we can stop feeling like that, I never missed out on having people in my life that could be likened to a mother figure. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
We Attract It All
We never stop attracting what we like and don’t like. So it’s better to appreciate it all and line up with the positive emotions more than the negative ones. I’m not saying to avoid feeling negative emotions because feeling them without resistance is actually how you get rid of them.
I think it was very beneficial for me, this morning, to think about what I didn’t like concerning my mother. It’s cathartic to see them and also examine what good feelings I could feel instead in the future. I thought of a few more things that I didn’t write about also. This isn’t everything. But the good outweighs the negatives which is why missing her hurts so much.
Mother’s Day
There are a lot of people who are reminded of difficulties on holidays. Those who feel lonely can find Valentine’s Day difficult. People with absent or abusive fathers or mothers can find those days difficult. People who long to be a mother or father can find these days difficult. It’s not the day though. It’s their beliefs that cause the pain.
Someone trying to conceive may have worries that they can’t, or it will never happen, which feels bad. Of course, the day is like a giant trigger to bring those emotions from those beliefs to the surface. But if we had different beliefs, the negative emotions wouldn’t be there.
If you had a negative relationship with a mother or father or they were never around or died, seeing people happy with their families can be a giant reminder of the belief, “I’ll never have that.” And, it is true, that that physical relationship may never happen. However, I would say the vibrational relationship and those positive feelings that are longed for can happen in this life. The love doesn’t have to come from a physical member of your family, it can be felt from new friends. The feeling of safety doesn’t have to come from a person, it can come from within.
It takes questioning beliefs, changing of the mind, and emotional work. Whoever said people who believe in the law of attraction choose to believe it “because it’s easier to believe” didn’t know what they were talking about. It takes a lot of emotional and mental work to change beliefs and tune into the opposite emotions. It’s difficult. But it is doable.
Conclusion
I started this off by saying I get mad on Mother’s Day. I understand why I have those feelings. I tend to stay away from anything to do with the day so I’m not bombarded with stuff about it. I usually have good days. This isn’t the worst experience I’ve ever had. I am also very used to it.
But it’s also not full of family time either. I’m not having the same experience as those who still have mothers or are mothers. I don’t want pity. I don’t want people to think I’m walking around pissed all day either.
I just wanted to acknowledge the emotions that come up. It’s the best way to release negative emotions from trauma. I also believe that I came into this world knowing she would die early. I am sure my higher self wanted to learn something from this experience. So I accept that too.
When I am done writing this, I’m going to go relax and have some fun. It’s Sunday morning and I have the whole day off. I’m going to squeeze all the enjoyment out of it as I can.
It’s ok to pivot from feeling negative emotions (without resistance) to having some fun. While editing I decided to listen to some music. I’m already feeling that closeness and happiness all over again.