I spent my weekend decluttering. As I’ve written about, clutter is a manifestation of a cluttered mind. I know that as I become more clear, I clear out my clutter, and as I clear out the clutter, I become more clear.
There are plenty of decluttering videos to choose from, but I think what I’m attempting to bring to this is a discussion on why the clutter is there in the first place and what happens (emotionally and mentally) when you start to declutter. I am chronicling what is happening to me as I go on this journey of decluttering. I would prefer it to be the same day, but it’s been days now and I had to process what all was coming up for me.
I kept supplement pills because I thought they would help me get healthy. But I was miswanting. I know that I can manifest supplements easily now with Amazon Vine, so I don’t feel a feeling of lack but rather one of abundance (concerning supplements). That helps me feel like I can throw them away and not fear not having them.
But after decluttering over the weekend, I started to feel anger. And I decided to make this video to discuss where the anger came from. I felt disempowered to declutter in the way that I wanted to. When you feel powerless you get angry. I write about the Drama Triangle and you would think I would have caught myself earlier on. But it took me a couple of days. It’s been my whole life up until now that I wallowed in the powerlessness position on this topic, so I guess a couple of days was pretty good in that regard.
I also had a realization that I am using decluttering as procrastination to keep from doing other important things. Now, I understand the importance of decluttering (it helped me to clear my mind enough to have this important realization). But, I need to weigh the pros and cons of decluttering in the future. I have to start to focus on what would make the biggest impact first.
I also talk about how having so many items around (that are not mine) is a manifestation of me being unable to enforce boundaries. In some ways that clutter is not my responsibility, but it actually is my responsibility, because no one is going to come save me from it. No one else is going to do anything with it, so I have to get the ball moving, even if it shouldn’t have been my responsibility in the beginning. So I have had to deal with that anger.
And, at the end of the video I talk about how enforcing your boundaries doesn’t have to be a difficult thing. We usually catastrophize how badly things like that can go, but it doesn’t have to be bad or difficult.
If God wants me to declutter and/or move out someday, then He will provide for me. The fear is just a lack of faith in that. And I’m working on getting that faith back.
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Decluttering Emotions